Chapter 6: Wanting it All

WANTING IT ALL

HE"So, Edward, how do you see this going between us?" she asks, shy again. She keeps alternating between a playful confidence and shy uncertainty, and it's confusing, but not really anything new for us.
I blow out a huge cleansing breath. Because the one thing I'm not confident about is how this is going to go between us. "I'm gonna be honest with you here, Isabella. I've never quite done things this way before."
Yeah, understatement of my lifetime.
She cocks her head. "What do you mean?"
"I've had girlfriends before, and I've had subs. But…"
Fuck, am I ready for this?
"Edward?"
"Isabella, I really care about you."
"I don't understand. Is that a problem?"
I shake my head no, and look up at the ceiling, adding, "Of course not. It's just different for me. To want it all. With one person."
I can feel the blood drain from my face as I make this monumental confession. I've never felt so exposed before. I finally get up the courage to look her in the eye, and she's watching me from the safety of her chair.
"Isabella, please tell me what you're thinking right now."
An eternity later, she says, "Obviously I've never done the…kinky part…before?" She makes it into a question, and I smile at her label. "So, I have no idea how that works in real life. But I've always wondered if it could be possible to…have it all, as you say, with one person."
"Not that I needed more proof than your reaction at the pizza parlor, but our mini scene earlier confirmed for me with absolute certainty that the…kinky part," I pause to give her a smirk, "will be extremely satisfying. For both of us."
She blushes beautifully and I continue.
"But I'd really love the chance to continue what we've started together outside of your role as my submissive. Isabella, I find you to be warm, intelligent, capable, compassionate, insightful, AND incredibly exciting."
"Right back at ya," she says.
"So I want us to protect that from the very beginning, and nurture both sides of this thing as it grows between us."
sheIf it were possible to swoon any further, I'd be doing it now. Edward's declarations fill me with a warm glow of hope and excitement that I've frankly never felt before. This beautiful man is offering to be everything, and I can't accept his offer soon enough.
But a small part of me, the part who wanted a real live Dom, wonders if this human side of Edward will interfere with his effectiveness as a Master. I guess a frown must have formed on my face because he asks, "Have I said something that bothers you?"
I look down at my lap, where my hands are wringing together, and try to find the right words to articulate my fear.
"Won't having you as my boyfriend…soften you… as my master?" I cannot say that word without feeling it in my panties.
"Soften me? Not likely," he guffaws and I immediately cover my face with my hands.
"Hey," he says softly. "Look at me, please?"
I'm mortified but I pull my hands down as he's requested.
"The short answer is 'no'. This isn't black and white. You can fully expect that I will be worshiping you every moment that I've got you bound and spread."
Fuck. Me. Bound and Spread.
"And mixed in with the discipline, there will always be a large dose of tenderness. That's the inverse of the power of your acquiescence that we talked about."
GAHH…discipline. "You mean, you're like that with all your subs?"
"To some degree, yes. I'm not in it just for the sexual release. I have to have an emotional connection with my partner, and I get off on feeling her surrender, that willingness to please me. I suspect, with you, that will be magnified one hundredfold, because I already have feelings for you. And Isabella," he pauses, and his voice lowers a full octave, "I've seen the way you respond to me."
His eyebrows dare me to deny it, but I can't.
"The flip side of that is that I don't do vanilla without at least a chocolate chip thrown in here and there."
I burst out laughing at his analogy, and remember Jasper's damn meatloaf and vanilla shake at Mad Max's.
"Ah, the predator rears his ugly head."
"Hey!" he protests.
"So, are you saying that I'll never get to be on top?"
He growls adorably and answers, "I'm not saying that at all. But I might just flip you over and pin you down before we're through."
"That doesn't sound so bad." In fact, let's try it right now.
"No. The hard part comes in when you and I have our first fight, and later on, your Master orders you to your knees. You see the problem?"
Unngggggggghhhhhh. Problem? What problem?
"Or what if your Master is too harsh. Will that spill over into us?"
Unnnggggghhhhh again. "Edward, this is so weird. We've been together like five minutes, and you're already talking about fights."
"I know, and I'm really not trying to scare you away, but I think it's important that we put boundaries on our scenes for now, and make sure we know when we're playing and when we're not."
"You call it playing?" I've seen it described as such, but I've always hated that word. It cheapens the experience for me, and I can't believe that's how Edward would approach things.
"Does that expression bother you?"
"It makes it feel like a game to me, like you'd just be toying with me."
HEI sit forward on the bed and place my hands on her knees. "Trust me, Isabella. I am dead serious about scening. It may feel as if I'm joking or teasing, but everything is focused on a response I'm drawing from you. It's no game."
"So, my story about the husband and wife, who…play….all the time? You don't do that?"
I suppress the cocky grin that wants to slide across my face. This sweet, innocent girl has one ten-minute scene under her belt, so to speak, and she's asking about being my 24/7 sex slave.
"I'm certainly not opposed to some prolonged scenes, and I have done a weekend or two before. But, the reality of the 24/7 power exchange doesn't always match the fantasy. It really tips the scales in the relationship, and we'd have to know we were ready to try. And I'd still put a frame around it so we knew when we could be us again."
"Hmm," she answers, disappointed. "Doesn't sound like you're too into that scene."
"Sweetheart, I seriously doubt you could come up with anything I wouldn't want to try with you. We just have to know where we stand first before trying some of the more intense stuff."
She relaxes a bit.
"I'm going to initiate you very slowly, and we're going to do a lot of talking in between scenes."
Her mouth turns down into a sad little pout. "Do we have to talk so much? That's all-"
"Jasper wanted to do?" I finish for her.
She looks up at me, guilty and busted. "Yeah."
"So, he'd spank you and then later ask you exactly how it made you feel?"
Her jaw drops open, and I have to laugh. "I didn't think so."
Finally, she shakes her head and chuckles, too. "I guess I don't have to worry too much about getting you two confused."
"I'm starved," I say, glancing at the clock. "How about a midnight snack?"
She smiles. "Midnight, eh? Time for Cinderella to flee the Ball."
"What do you say we let the Master go off duty as well? You mind being stuck with the 'nosy IT guy' for the rest of the night instead?"
She wrinkles her nose in disdain. "Mr. Vanilla?"
"Don't forget the chocolate chips, Baby," I saw with a wink.
"I suppose I could make do."
I rise from the bed, and extend my hand to help her out of my soft leather armchair. She takes my hand and laces our fingers together, curling into my side.
"Got any fried chicken?" she asks.